Mornings are (no longer) for coffee and contemplation
"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone,” goes the Big Yellow Taxi lyrics. Amen to that, Joni Mitchell.
I've been singing that all morning because no one told me when I went on this neurodiversity journey that I'd wake up one day and realise I couldn't enjoy something I've been drinking most of my adult life.
Mark down May 1st, 2024 as the day the coffee died. The day I was told ADHD medication and coffee are mutually exclusive. Yes, before you say it, I'm being a touch melodramatic. But it's frickin' espresso we're talking about here.
I've had a pretty steady relationship with coffee since I started drinking it aged 21, a few hours into a new job at a media organisation. When I joined, the whole office seemed to drink coffee sans milk. It seemed a very newsy thing to do. Not wanting to be uncool, I started drinking it too. The office special was a thick, sludgy coffee, the texture of Guinness with a prevailing flavour of burnt rubber shoes. I persevered. Eventually my body gave in and accepted whether it liked it or not, we were now coffee lovers.
After quite a few years, my brain caught up when I met some cool people who knew about coffee like Sé Gorman from Brew Bar Café (RIP... to the coffee shop... not to Sé), Mick Draine who ran a coffee van in Belfast and later re-enforced by Michael McCrory and Lauren Crabbe from Andytown Coffee Roasters in San Francisco. I started to realise that when it came to well made, interesting coffee, I actually did enjoy it. Especially espresso.
Stimulating stimulants
Two weeks ago someone casually mentioned to me that ADHD medication was also a stimulant. Until then I'd never thought about how big a part espresso plays in my life. I'm pretty sure at some point my body must have realised that it had the ability to give me a short boost that I needed. So I drink it a lot (I can't bring myself to say that in the past tense, yet).
It turns out my body was right – there's a few studies out there that suggest caffeine can boost concentration for people with ADHD. It all makes a lot of sense to me now.
As I sat on a call with my psychiatrist earlier this week, 25 per cent of which was made up of me explaining that he was wasting his time sending my GP a shared care agreement, I was in total shock. I wrote it down twice, my brain clearly realising that later on I'd convince myself that what I was reading was wrong. Coffee bad is written in bold in my notebook. Coffee bad. Written again for good measure. A few scribbles dotted around it mentioning double stimulants not being a great thing for your body.
I know it takes a minimum of six years of training to become a psychiatrist, but, does he really know what he's talking about?
The five shot rule
Surely this can't be right. The last time someone tried to tell me coffee was bad was in 2008, citing the respected wisdom that anything over five shots of coffee a day was a bad thing for your body.
Challenge accepted, said 2008 me. In fairness at the time I ran a food blog and was doing weekly challenges, so it felt like the most normal thing in the world to try five double espressos in the space of ten minutes (why have five shots when ten will do?).
Shaking legs and an itchy face
Reading the article from back then, I went from thinking everything was good to my legs shaking heavily, multiple headaches, an itchy face and at one point late in the afternoon thinking a Mars Bar was a mobile phone.
I should have listened in 2008 and I should listen today. 16 years later, I'm about 0.7% more mature, so I will listen to the expert this time. I don't need an itchy face again (it lasted 48 hours). It doesn't mean I can't mourn the fact I won't be able to enjoy a double espresso every morning before leaving the house. Will medication replace my coffee buzz? I doubt it, but we'll soon find out.
I just wonder, why the hell did no one told me getting a diagnosis would mean having to give up one of the things I love most in the world?
Jim Hopper, played by David Harbour in Stranger Things, knew what life was all about when he said "Mornings are for coffee and contemplation". He may be right, but for me, that's no longer the case. Urgh.