Congratulations?

I feel a little numb. Two weeks ago I received a confirmed Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. The journey to this point has been quick (or slow, depending on your outlook on life). I first approached my health insurer about my potential neurodiversity on December 13th 2023, so 125 days in total to get ADHD and ASD diagnoses.

I feel numb because whilst in many ways this is everything I wanted last December, I'm still trying to comprehend it all, to take it in. Right now, it's taken me back to the 1990s. Not just thinking about songs like Today by the Smashing Pumpkins whose opening lyrics "Today is the greatest day I've ever known. Can't live for tomorrow," could well be an anthem to ADHD.

It's also taken me back to my teenage years when I first got a Sega Megadrive and spent a lot of time playing Sonic, Golden Axe, Shinobi and others. I would spend a similar amount of time as my diagnoses took to complete a game (don't come at me for being a terrible player) and as that last big boss finally died, the expectations were always off the charts.

What typically happened, however, wasn't fireworks and amazing animation, rather a static screen would pop up that said 'Congratulations' or 'Game Over' and then it would go to the credits.

It always confused me. I'd put months of work in and the reward was to see a list of people's names who'd worked on the game. There was always something that gnawed at me around the outcome vs the work put in being imbalanced.

I wanted more than a glorified screenshot. I am not sure, however, what it is I wanted. I just know I wanted more than a blue hedgehog pointing at me.

Warm and engaging

The Consultant Psychiatrist who carried out the ASD assessment was the opposite of the one who worked with me on my ADHD diagnosis. He was warm, engaging, funny and put me and my wife at ease during the last stage, which made a change to the previous one. On receiving the initial, minimal letter to say I had ASD, there was a line that stood out.

"Receiving a diagnosis of ASD can be relieving but also overwhelming. We would recommend taking time to adjust to the news and have enclosed some resources to help."

The letter was right, it is a huge relief. But as well as being overwhelming, it's also hugely underwhelming. Getting life changing news and then being emailed a PDF can't be the answer. At least Sonic half acknowledged me by pointing. There has to be better help.

Not only that but the first page of the document is so negatively focused that it reminded me of that one person who responded to my first LinkedIn post about my neurodiversity with a "sorry to hear that". Sorry about what?

Spanning six pages, the PDF spends less than 100 words on "What is Autism?" and even less on "What Next?". The rest is a list of outdated resources, though I should probably be thankful that it at least mentions DVDs and not VHS or Betamax.

Just like the end of Sonic in the early 1990s, I feel let down by what happened immediately after being told I'm Autistic. There is so much wrong with every aspect of diagnosis, not least this pivotal moment in someone's life. Instead of feeling supported and helped post diagnosis, I felt underwhelmed and disappointed. If you asked me what I wanted, I can't tell you.

I just know it's not a PDF emailed through as Sonic the Hedgehog points, the screen turns dark and the words Congratulations fade in.